Writing Through Depression

This blog post won’t be very long, but it will be honest.

Right now, I am on sick leave as I deal with my depression and find a way to stabilize myself enough so that I can go back to work and still be okay. Being on sick leave should leave me with plenty of time to write – the one thing I truly love to do, and want to do more than anything. I wish I could say that it came naturally, that it was as easy as breathing because it is what I want to do, but that would be a lie, wouldn’t it?

Anyone who has experienced depression knows what a massive hindrance it can be. Even doing something you love can be a challenge, simply because it requires anything from you, and you don’t always have a lot to give. So now when I have more time than before, this is the first time when I am late with my blog posts and online stories.

The name of my blog is no accident. Retreating into the world of Hurst has always given me a kind of comfort and joy that the real world never could, and being there and writing about it makes me happier. So why is it still so hard to make myself do it?

I know why. Because when you are neck-deep in one of those periods where it feels like the depression and anxiety is ruling your life, it’s so much easier to just stay in bed and watch a TV show and pretend like that’s going to make you okay. But that’s not going to make you okay.

That is why I force myself to get out of bed every morning. Have coffee, eat breakfast, do something productive. Take an hour long walk every day, write every day, work on that world I so desperately want to be able to make a living out of some day. Making yourself be active when you feel like it’s impossible is a small victory, and small victories make you feel like some day you might achieve greater ones. That’s what I’m trying to do while I am on sick leave, even if it’s hard. Win the smaller battles of every day life in hopes that it will help me win the larger battles.

And if you’re out there struggling with similar problems, I encourage you to do the same. You don’t have to snap your fingers and be okay. You just have to get up and try to fight back every day.  That’s why I am writing this post even though it’s several days late. I could just shrug and say “I’ll do it next weekend”, but that would be the same as giving up, and I am not known for giving up, and I have no intention of changing that.

Stay strong and productive, people. I believe in you, even if you don’t.

Rain S.